Hen Pecked
by KeyLimeChibi
Summary: They say fatherhood changes a man. Fat chance. Post-Manga, spoilers, Oneshot, EdWin, RoyAi, mentions of AlMay. Humour drabble.


"Judging by that bruise, I'm going to assume that you, good sir, are a moron."

"Shaddap."

"Please don't tell me you came all the way to Central to sleep on my couch –"

"I did not! Jesus, am I not allowed visiting?"

"—because that's taken up by Black Hayate."

_That's it_, Edward grimaced, _everyone and everything hates me_ –though he was completely aware of the rivalry between himself and Mustang anyhow. His golden glare bore down on the raven-haired colonel, or brigadier general, or whatever the hell he was now, who at the moment was sitting at his desk, smug as ever.

"I'm here 'cause –"

"Wait wait," Roy Mustang, most infuriating man on the planet, intervened, "let me guess why you're here."

Edward snorted.

"You just found out the baby is Alphonse's and not yours, but he's skipped off to Xing to hide—"

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU."

"Please don't, I'd rather not drag the Brigadier General's lifeless body home." Hawkeye entered the office, a passing smile to Edward before dropping a fresh stack of papers on Mustang's desk. "And sir, please don't imply something so scandalous – they're still newlyweds, you might make him paranoid."

Edward grinned at the Lieutenant. "Finally, someone with a clu– _Hey!"_

They exchanged the usual 'hello, how are you's, and the ex-Alchemist took a seat on the couch in the office.

"So you're just visiting? You never come alone." Roy hummed, perusing through papers to make it look like he was still working. Riza knew better; she put a pen in his hand and slammed it down on the paper.

As much as Edward looked up to Riza, many a time did he not want to be in Roy's shoes. "Yeah, for today. Winry's too far along to work on her automail commissions, so it's like all she can do to satiate her boredom is to beat the crap out of me. I can't even yell back; I'm afraid she'll have mood-swings and burst into tears."

Roy chuckled. "Welcome to the tribe, my diminutive friend."

"You can take that smart-mouthed adjective and shove it up your –"

Riza laughed over the two of them. "Are you sure she's getting angry at you because of her pregnancy, or your rapid-fire mouth?"

Edward had nothing to say to that.

Roy shuffled some more papers. "Alright, I think that's everything I need for the moment. You're dismissed, Lieutenant Hawkeye," he put on his Brigadier General tone, all formal and official. Or would have been all formal and official, if he didn't wink at the lieutenant as she left. Riza, on the other hand, rolled her eyes with a wry smile, saluted, and made her way to the door.

"If it makes you feel better, boy," Roy's tone became hushed, "At least your wife doesn't know how to use firearms, nor keeps a pistol under her pillow. You should've seen it when I ate the last of her cheesecake when Riza was in her fifth mo—"

There a resounding bang on the other side of the office doors. Upon inspection, there was a bullet lodged into the wood.

If the door wasn't reinforced, there would be a bullet lodged in the Brigadier General.

Edward laughed. Roy found it less amusing that there was now a bullet inch-deep in his door.

"Where is the kid, anyhow?" Edward asked. Usually these days, the newest Mustang was around one of his parents, or being entertained by the Brigadier General's team. None of them minded – luckily, the kid got more of his personality from Riza.

Long story short, he wasn't hard to deal with like his father.

"Maes is still at school, at the moment," Roy sat back in his chair. "He's gotten taller, unlike someone."

Edward seethed. "I am _still getting taller._ I'm not an old fart like you, Brigadier General Asshat."

"Keep telling yourself that," Roy chuckled. "What about you? Any news about your baby, besides Winry using you as a wrench target?"

Despite himself, Edward smiled. "We don't know the gender yet – we've just been thinking of names, really."

"Hmm. Are you sad Alphonse snagged the name Trisha for his little girl already?"

Edward shook his head. "Nah, the name suits her just fine. Even at a year and a half, she's lively enough to live up to the name."

When news travelled that Alphonse was doing a little more in Xing than studying Alkhaestry, nobody was surprised but the older brother himself. He missed all the passes of adoration the young but formidable Xingese girl had continuously drowned Al in, apparently. Nonetheless, Edward wasn't any less happy for his younger brother and May. (Though Alphonse's cheerful, "Oh yes, May is pregnant as well!" over the phone had nearly given Edward a heart attack.)

After a minute of minor reminiscing, Edward continued. "If we have a girl though, we're going to name her Nina."

Roy raised a brow. "Does Winry know the story behind that one?"

A nod. "Yup. After I told her, she suggested the name."

Roy gave a crooked smile. "What an endearing young woman."

Edward threw his head back in a laugh.

"Hey hey, praise her all you like, but I've had a claim on her since I was about four."

"I thought Alphonse won that fight?"

". . . Shaddap."

* * *

**AN:**  
_And there you have it boys and girls. The product of my leaping into a new fandom with flying colours. (It's not even a new fandom, I'm just slow on getting on bandwagons. [/shot]) This is done in the mangaverse, because I liked that better than what I remember of the original anime and such. Not to mention, they made my little fangirl heart burst with joy, making the hinting of AlMay more or less canon. HA HA! I never thought it would actually happen, but throughout reading the book I kept thinking, "Aw, they should get together – once May's of legal age." _

_But something in my head is just telling me that Al would get to the baby making before Ed, making said older brother steam. Pft. _

_And I know, everyone names Roy and Riza's kid Maes. It's just too predictable, and perfect! I like the name Maes anyhow._

_SO WHO REMEMBERS NINA HMM? Ha ha. As much as that part made me cry, it was so sad, the talking chimera thing creeped me out immensely. I felt so bad for that little girl . . ._


End file.
